This is an era of infidelity. Earlier we thought it was an alien concept, one discussed in shady movies with shadier names. Then it was considered to be a behavior patented by people who have not had the best of upbringings. Finally, we see it everywhere.
People who vehemently support “arranged marriages” blame love for it. It does make you giggle, eh? Ok, what they mean by this, as I understand, is that, those who fall in love prior to marriage/s are more likely to be infidels. Fair enough. But then, what is infidelity? Rather, where is the germ of infidelity supposed to reside, in the mind or the body? If it were in the mind, marrying X when in love with Y amounts to infidelity. If it is the latter, need I even say?
You may think that life is all rosy for a couple in love who duly marry each other, with or without parents’ support/blessing, after n years of courtship, understanding and constant periods of muted struggle. Shockingly, it is not the case. Why? As easily as a man or a woman falls in love, they fall out of love.
Well, may be not so easily or quickly. It does seem like a slow death. Being married, in a way pressurizes them to keep the spark of love alive, somehow, I used to think. But the mere sight at the entrance of Family Courts is dejecting. Uppu peradha vishayathukku oru sandai, adukku oru divorce. Being “only in love” makes the closing ceremony spectacularly uncomplicated to snap, couples say after a comprehensive-break-up. How is being in love any different from being married, as far as the ones who are concerned?
For all the sermons on moral depravity, mental maturity and mummifying love’s eternal sanctity, I don’t find the problem resting with these - whether it is an arranged marriage or not, or there is an act of infidelity involved or not. The issue is stark. Gone are the days where we could claim, “once in love, always in love” (with the same person, i.e) proudly. We are falling out of love, surely and slowly. Like a friend once quipped, “I don’t feel loved the way I should be.” Who is to be blamed here? The one who doesn’t love or appears so, or the one who feels unloved or imagines so? All of us are the products of great expectations. So I say, these are difficult times. Guard yourselves or run amok.
14 Scrutinizing thoughts:
Thought-provoking post. Read it five times already. Brilliant.
@Mithun,
Glad you liked it :) Life flatters us all, I guess.
A very valid highlight of what's prevalent in our society where many would shrug off saying "maybe a few" or "definitely not" and the fact that remains is that people indeed fall out of love and (many)live a compromised life throughout thereafter fearing our societal and cultural rules or (few)be as you've said which is the Western world practice...!!!
@Charan,
Love is universal, so is infidelity. Only appalling aspect is the "falling out" part, which is becoming very common these days. It's something we should learn to accept sooner than later.
How is falling out appalling, when "love" and infidelity are falling out - falling out of status quo - too? The unasked question is falling out of what into what? So, there comes the norm. How is "falling out" ought to be? Here, one should take a stance, and not be an escapist by calling everything "universal", for pain and rot, then, are universal, too, and therefore, must be accepted without judgement! But we can't. There, then, comes the typical good and the bad: Infidelity is bad, falling in love with marriage is good.
I read your post on my feed reader, and then I read this post
here. What I find interesting is how arranged marriages are touted to be alliances of convenience, and how contemporary 'love' is an equal partnership of convenience too. Falling out of love is not the problem - all of us lose interest and are susceptible to boredom - not willing to put in the effort to make something deep and meaningful is just simply sheer laziness. Let's hope it is not a universal bug!
@Sathya - Thanks. Welcome to FoT :)
@Suchi - Am not sure if it's laziness, though!
Nice Post :) I used to think along the same lines.Yes more marriages are falling apart. You seem to imply that falling out of a marriage is immoral in a way. Which brings us to the questions "What is moral? " ,"Who defines Moral?","If each one is free to set his moral code,could it not be the case that he/ she finds it more moral to get out of a relationship he/she no longer feels committed to"? No, I dont have the answers :)
@Shyam,
Not defining morality. Just trying to understand the relationship between love and life itself.
Loved the post bar, identified myself with every bit of it! I am proud of you :)
@Sashi,
Thanks da :) You alive huh?
I am married to one for the last 41 years (without the blessings of my parents) still we are surrounded by happiness...I feel it is one's heart that moves and not contradicted by custom..heresay...if this...and so on...I want it and I preserve it..immeterial what others say...I am happy..so what..
@Kaveri Yamuna,
So true and you are very blessed indeed! :)
I enjoyed reading this. There is plenty of truth here. My parents fell out of love and then the marriage died. I just hope that the pattern we are starting to see doesn't continue. Too bad, it would be nice if everyone who fell in love stayed in love... Oh well a dreamers hope I guess.
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