Veena bites dust - marital woes of a brahmin gal

I shall clarify the title first before hitting on anything fancy. The author is NOT opposed to marriage. Why is it touted as woes? Anything can be frustrating when it is stuffed on you. Why Brahmin? Now, don’t you think I’m being casteist. This is one such caste which apparently GIVES more freedom to its women and repents it anyway. (Ok, the sentence formation is bad) Why gal? Don’t even tell me that there are men in this world who are pushed into the field of marriage, if at all they are pushed, that is in the outward direction what with the women these days setting a 1 Lakh (per month) + 3 BHK lower limit slab for their prospective grooms.  If the last sentence irked you, I know that you are a male, or a female with a son with a salary less than the slab set. If you are an unmarried female, you know that it is an amazing tactic cleverly planned by some rich, intelligent female ancestor of yours, which delayed her marital drama for a considerable period of time.

Now, to the perils of society where male-domination has reached the saturation-point. I have interacted with women from various castes, upper, lower and middle (Societal classification, not the author’s) The first and the last actually suffer more when it comes to marriages. When it comes to the rich and spoilt, you know, most don’t mind. Marriage is a business transaction. But with the lower strata people, the story takes a grave turn. On most occasions they are the first graduates of their community. If you inquire them more, more often than not they like what is being done to them. They love being the asses, when the village wants to marry it off to please the rain God. They like to be used up and lead. They gossip a lot, but there are hardly any cases of divorce. Either they are unaware of such a concept or they can’t come to terms with it. Conclusion, the real victims are the middle class folks. The more conservative they are, the worse it gets.

You compare it with your own life. The riches, material and intellectual have been there for the taking. Next to religion, academics has been your foremost and often made the only priority in life. You are taught to sing and dance and paint and stitch and chant. You are given a free pass to select your favourite course in the most famous/expensive college, irrespective of it being located a couple of continents away. Why not, your great grandfather was a postgraduate himself. You are brought up to be one step ahead of everyone in your class/group/society. You have this freedom of speech which in my opinion is not something all your peers enjoy. Importantly, your gender doesn’t attract discrimination as long as you are a daughter or sister.

Suddenly you hit 21. I meant the age. Your planetary state becomes more important than your state of happiness. Your yellowed horoscopes are taken plenty of photocopies of and mailed/distributed randomly. If only Bhagath Singh was so helped by your parents, you think the whole of India would have known how to make bombs. Your traditional-looking photographs smile dumbly in all the matrimonial sites. When you argue that you are not up to marriage, a pause, now, your parents rue their destiny. They quote ancient Sanskrit scholars and the revered Manu whom you either don’t care for or think is a misogynist cum male chauvinist.

They wonder why they LET you study so much and earn so so much. They blame their planetary states and think they have sinned a lot in their previous births. They subtly hint that you should not fall in love by saying things like “We have brought you up as a good daughter;” “We have trust in your inherent capacity forcibly built by us to not fall in love;” “The God we trust in will never let you drift and make you marry a monkey, oops, man.” They promise to filter the prospective grooms and let you zero in on the final first choice ISI-ed Brahmin boy doing trikala sandhyavandanam and earning a few millions, so that you get to feel that you selected the guy and not them. Hail democracy.

They help you build and intellect with so much love, affection and diligence. When you run the trailer of its development, they are scared and emotionally blackmail you. Retirement, parent’s duty, societal pressure, woman’s obnoxious shelf life and what not. Funny enough, your mother was a rebel herself, but she has compromised on her cause and come a long way. Why? Finally you are enlightened about the ultimate truth of life – “A woman is born to nurture a family and rear children.” You could have stopped studying at 8th standard, for all I know.

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